Putting Myself First // Breaking Up with Diet Culture

I’ve always been in a rush since my early 20’s. Being productive has always been something I thrive off of. For years I’ve had people tell me I “deserve” self care, which has always been extremely hard for me to even know what that means. In my mind, when I would hear that, I’d go “nah, I’m good. Why would I waste three hours on me? That’s not productive!” Doing therapy with an intuitive eating specialist along with regular therapy has gotten me here. This week it clicked.

Diet culture is so deeply ingrained in my soul, my thinking, my worth. It’s intertwined itself into my whole being, beyond my eating habits. Part of this is how I’m wired, but I have never been able to do something that didn’t yield instant results.

So, for me that looked like this:
👉🏼extreme diets and excessive exercise = quick results
👉🏼cleaning obsessively = instant gratification
👉🏼working, ALL the time = constant satisfaction, seeing my hard work come to life
👉🏼 taking care of other people = immediately seeing and experiencing others feel good
👉🏼self care? Ok sure I’ll go get my nails done or a massage = instantly feeling better and relaxed, but not a long lasting effect

But WAIT. Full stop.
WHAT ABOUT ME? Why don’t I ever come first? What about sleeping? Feeding myself? Journaling? Praying? Meditating? Celebrating my current self, in this current body... because it’s the only one I’ve got and I may as well embrace it? For so long I’ve been afraid of letting any “free time” in my day not be used working or taking care of the kids.

But this week, it all finally clicked with me. When I’m not taking care of myself, everything falls apart. I stop eating, I start bingeing again, my anxiety goes out of control. I’m rude to my husband. I’m irritable with my kids.
So, lately I finally know what self care for me looks like:
👉🏼being able to sit in silence and be at peace with doing nothing
👉🏼taking my time
👉🏼practicing patience when things don’t go as planned 👉🏼having compassion for MYSELF and everyone around me
👉🏼going to bed on time
👉🏼accepting help

Self-care is like a domino effect. You deserve it, but you need to take the time to figure out what that is to you. 🖤