World Mental Health Day 2019

It’s #worldmentalhealthday 🖤 I’ve always been stubborn, and I’ve always been a hustler. I thrive off of productivity and accomplishments - most of the time. But honestly? There are days when I can barely get out of bed. No one knows it, not even my family... mostly because I have kids and that’s quite frankly not an option.
So I push through. And I make it happen on the bad days. And it’s exhausting.

I spent my school age years thinking I just wasn’t cut out for academics and thinking I wasn’t smart enough for school. I hesitate to say this because I know it’s true: I have spent more of my lifetime doubting myself than believing in myself. I have spent lots of days (before I had kids) sleeping, self medicating, and feeling lost. Since having kids I still find myself self medicating sometimes and the best way to put it is frankly, the feeling of drowning. And still feeling lost a lot of times.

What I didn’t realize until I got help the first time: I AM actually pretty smart. I can do hard things. There is nothing wrong with me. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize I wasn’t okay.

I didn’t seek help until 4 months postpartum Pj and 3 years pp Emaline, mostly because of stubbornness and feeling like I can handle it all. But also - mental health can be really confusing when you have really good days mixed in there, like I do.

This is for the girl who’s always felt lost and out of place or like she can’t keep up. For the woman who’s drowning from anxiety and depression. For the postpartum mama who keeps having suicidal ideation but is ignoring it... For anyone having any of those thoughts.
I see you. I hear you. I am you.

Mental health is not spoken about enough especially amongst our peers... because it’s hard. Please know that there is nothing wrong with you and PLEASE talk to someone if you’re struggling. 🖤You are ENOUGH even if you need help. And you are not alone.