My Postpartum Stomach // #this_is_postpartum

This is one of those times where I just have something so strong on my heart today and feel the need to share. I’m not sure who needs to read this but... This is the only picture I have of my bare pregnant belly ever, and I snapped it a few days before I gave birth to Pj.

When I saw it pop up in my memories recently, it stung to look at. With both of my pregnancies, the stretch marks didn’t happen until after 30 weeks. And they came on strong. This time, they were so painful. My skin was literally stretching and I had enough fluid to be carrying 4 babies. It stung my heart because I was flooded with memories of the shame I felt. Both pregnancies, both times I looked down and saw those red marks... it ripped me to shreds and I felt so, I don’t know... broken.

I shared this photo in my stories the night before I was induced and I was blown away by how many “thank you’s” I got just for sharing it. That was moment it all clicked for me... the moment I realized how important it is that we share our journeys no matter how different they are.

This photo reminds me of how scared I was to not be pregnant anymore. I was scared because I knew I’d have to learn how to love an entirely new body all over again.

It took me a very VERY long time to look at my stomach in the mirror. In fact, the first time I ever really looked at it was in the video clip I made for #this_is_postpartum... swipe to see, I’m not sure if you can tell by the look on my face but I was 5ish months postpartum and finally looking and touching my belly.

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions with my kids, as usual... and I had to ask for help a lot which makes me feel like a failure as a mom most times. But something I’m learning is that I have to take care of me to be the best mom to these girls.

But also, thank you body. Thank you belly. I’m still healing and recovering in more ways than one, and you’re marked up now with scars but... I do have to say that I love them now.

Baby steps, mama. You have a new body, not a broken one. 🖤