Our Bodies and Covid-19

Last week I tried on 6 pairs of jeans before finding one that I could zip.

Two years ago me: Total spiral into self hate, punishment, and either starving myself or bingeing. Triggering further shameful thoughts about not being good or worthy enough to “stick to a plan” or “take care of myself”

Current me: First thought: “Wow! Did these all shrink?!” Second thought: “okay, well Ashley you have been habituating and healing your relationship with food... and we know there is a chance of temporary weight gain during this process.” Last thought: “this time has been rough, and I’ve definitely been processing my emotions and sometimes that means through food, which is okay.” And then... I moved on and found a pair of stretch jeans that worked just fine.

Here’s the thing: this way of life isn’t our permanent new normal. Things will eventually get as busy and chaotic as they were before. I am taking every chance I have right now to work on healing my relationship with food, exercise, and myself.
When you habituate yourself to food, specifically the “off-limits” foods- you’ll find that after awhile the pleasure isn’t there anymore. You know it’s available, so there’s no desire to binge. Lots of science to back this up btw.

I started this process of food habituation a few months ago with @stephdodier and I can honestly say it works. I’ve had frozen pizza sitting in my freezer for months. In fact, I made one last week for the kids and actually had zero desire to eat it. I knew it’d be there later if I did want it. And the times I make pizza, I’ve removed the shame and guilt that used to come with it. That’s a huge factor.

Other foods I’m still working on habituating to, and this time of extreme stress and anxiety has triggered more emotional eating (which as I’ve said in the past, is actually a “gift” if you can look beyond the food). Does it suck that most of my jeans don’t fit? Am I looking forward to feeling stronger and fitting in my clothes a little better at some point (no timeline)? Sure. But something like clothes not fitting, which used to completely ruin my life, is now just a “eh, not a big deal” — that’s intuitive eating. It’s a journey but worth it.