We need to talk.

We need to talk. *trigger warning // weight loss, eating disorders*

Friday night I watched something that triggered me so much. I’ve been wanting to talk about it but at the same time I’ve been afraid to share it in case it triggers you too.

There’s a very well-known female on IG, Twitter, Facebook etc who has managed to rally the meanest, most hateful humans around her and anything she says, they believe. Her words are hurtful. The way she says them. The words that she chooses to use to intentionally hurt others. Every single time I watch her videos it makes me feel like I’m in high school being bullied by a mean girl.

But some of this woman’s loyal followers are probably reading this. They could be friends in my neighborhood, high school buddies, or even relatives of mine.

Hear you me.
Even if you don’t follow or know of this woman, listen.

Her most recent post calling out a fellow plus size blogger in this space was, for lack of a better word, disgusting. And extremely triggering. And for anyone who is battling eating disorders, body dysmorphia, orthorexia... that post is dangerous as hell.

If you think the Fat Acceptance ‘movement’ is about glorifying obesity, seeking attention and celebrating unhealthy habits, you’re missing the point. Completely.

There are fat people, there are thin people, just like there are short and tall people. Sometimes it’s genetic, sometimes it’s a sign that there’s something off with your health medically, and sometimes there’s no explanation for how you look or how much you weigh.

The point is this; you never know what someone’s going through. And you sure as hell can’t dictate someone’s level health or worth based on their size.

Furthermore, telling over 2 million people that you’re “sick” of “freaks” showing their stomaches and cellulite - that you don’t find that attractive, and that teaching kids to love their bodies no matter what it looks like is wrong... is. not. okay (looking at you @therealcandaceowens).

Signed,
Ashley. A 34 year old woman who grew up wearing women’s sizes, never could shop with her friends in stores, and ultimately thought she was worthless based on her body size. She started dieting in middle school and didn’t stop until a few years ago. It completely ruled her life, everything she did. Complete hell but just kept telling herself these were the cards she was dealt. Diets quickly spiraled into severe orthorexia, anorexia disguised as a strict diet, obsessive compulsive exercising, and severe body dysmorphia. She’s gone through the intuitive eating process with a therapist in the past year. She wouldn’t wish this hell on anyone.

She is me.

This year during recovery I’ve put on an additional large amount of weight that I expect to fall off at some point when things settle down, but the difference is that now I’m not afraid. I know that I can have FAT on my body and still be the best version of myself. Overall health is mental, physical and emotional. Not what your BMI is (a number created by insurance companies to charge more btw).

I was so afraid of being fat. I’m so passionate about sharing this journey because I WAS YOU.

I look at my wedding pics and am reminded of how ill I was. At the time, I was so concerned about looking a certain way for my wedding. I wish I could say that was the only time I had a problem.

Now I know — optimum health is not being ‘not overweight’ — it’s being able to move like I want to, having my mental health prioritized, and having no underlying health issues (the best way to determine this is done by bloodwork at your doctors office) —— REGARDLESS of your size… THAT is what fat acceptance is. THAT is body acceptance. Body & weight neutrality.

It’s accepting your body no matter what it looks like. That doesn’t mean you can’t still change your body — but it’s all about your WHY. Are you trying to lose weight because your doctor shamed you into it, saying your weight is causing you health problems? Get a second opinion. Most often weight gain doesn’t cause medical issues it’s the SIDE EFFECT.

For all of my new and seasoned body acceptance babes — remember that everyone has different experiences. Candace Owens, for example, has likely never been fat and came up in this fatphobic society just like you and I. For her, it’s easy and convenient to be ‘disgusted’ by fat people. It makes her feel better about her dedication to not being ‘overweight’ - and of course she’s scared of being fat. We’ve all (herself included) been taught that fat people aren’t beautiful, successful, or happy in the media. I seriously cannot think of one happy and beautiful fat woman on TV growing up. And every fat woman I knew in real life was picking themselves apart for it.

I just can’t help but think — if I had seen women living in larger bodies who were happy, beautiful, successful in the media — oh how my life would have been so different. I wouldn’t have self medicated nearly as much. I would have played sports. I would have pursued my dreams. I wouldn’t have hated myself.

Fat acceptance isn’t for attention. It’s for you, for me, for us.

I hope one day people like Candace Owens will realize how damaging words can be.

If you are struggling with any of this I highly recommend following the entire intuitive eating process. Even better if you can do it one on one with a therapist or nutritionist. I had no clue that so many of my other obstacles in life were all tied to my relationship with my body, mind, exercise and food.