BREAKING UP WITH THE TANNING BED, SPRAY TANNING, and body confidence

I wrote about this back in 2018, but I wanted to dig a little deeper here and also share for the new readers in this space who don’t already know my history with tanning.

I have always loved being tan, and I know for sure that somewhere deep down it always had to do with body image and acceptance. From age 17 and on, I always had a tanning membership and would go to the tanning bed at least every other day, sometimes even daily. This lasted until I was about 22. I won’t hesitate to say that I was absolutely 100% addicted. Similar to my exercise addiction, it was a problem.

My Aunt Patti Jo (my mom’s sister) got Melanoma and eventually it spread throughout her body, and killed her in 2017. In fact, we are coming up on both her birthday and the day she died, so this post feels timely.

Patti Jo spent a lifetime in the sun, and most of that was unprotected (before sunscreen was a thing). She told me numerous times this was how she got cancer. I’m sure other things factored in to this, of course.

Towards the end of my tanning bed era, I started to notice a massive amount of wrinkles on my chest. I think that was the first time I really realized that the sun was doing major damage on my skin. I believed her when she told me to stop, and so I stopped. I started spray tanning in the booths, and then eventually found a few places locally that would spray me by hand that I love. For a long time, I did this before every photoshoot or big event.

It really wasn’t until 2019 when I started uncovering a lot of my deep dark feelings about my body, and also started feeling freedom on so many levels. Freedom from the NEED to be tan. Freedom from the NEED to look a certain way.

Fast forward to 2021 - the present. It’s Spring and swimsuit season has just begun - your social media feeds are being filled with a LOT, especially since people are starting to travel more. It can be a lot. A lot of pressure to look a certain way, or dress a certain way. Even if you don’t realize it, it’s happening when you consume media.

I still love to use spray tan. I really do. It lifts my mood and energy and spirit, just like putting on a fantastic fitting outfit does or getting my hair colored does. The difference between now and then, though, is that I no longer feel like I NEED a spray tan to accomplish a feeling of confidence, beauty, success, and worth.

That’s a new level of growth that I’m proud of. If you’re reading this: I hope you have this freedom within your soul, and if you’re not there yet… it’s okay. It will happen. Keep working on yourself. Keep fighting for that freedom. It is worth it, and you are worth it.

These days, I have been excited to try some new spray tans mainly because it helps lessen the triggers for me that can happen when I go to the beach or the pool, or when I’m wearing summer clothing. The triggers I’m talking about don’t have anything to do with what other people look like that I see during those moments. These feelings are usually rooted in some deep seeded self hate that I still haven’t dismantled, and can be triggered by the simple act of putting on a swimsuit and knowing you’re about to walk out into a room full of people. For me, personally, it catapults me back into the traumatic moments from my childhood of going to kids’ pool parties and completely spiraling from insecurities.

Happy to report that these moments don’t happen as often as they used to, and if they do — I feel more prepared with how to pull myself out of it (spoiler alert — the answer isn’t alcohol - a common self medication among women with body image issues, aka all of us).

Here’s the info on the spray tan I used that I really LOVE — for real for real. Disclaimer, this isn’t a paid ad, but the brand sent me their products to try after I reached out to them because I had heard such great things.

So far I’ve just done the tanning water and drops and LOVE both. For reference, I use the shade Medium. Will be trying out that mousse soon and will report back!

And, friendly reminder, all bodies are good bodies — no matter what they look like. Your skin, no matter what the shade or feel of it is, is BEAUTIFUL the way it is. Self tanning should be only one for YOU and not for the approval of others. Much love to you!!!!