WHO TOOK MY BODY AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?!

Doesn’t matter what size you are, but if you’ve ever been pregnant than you’ve probably felt what I’ve been feeling all week. You guys know that I always want to be transparent with you, especially when it comes to my real life. Read about what I've been feeling like today, and also the 4 things I'm doing to try and overcome it. 

Disclaimer: Please do not read this and feel sorry for me. Please do not read this and think I’m complaining. I am very thankful to be pregnant and a mother, this I know. But I feel like this is an important part of all of my journey that I need to share, because I can’t be the only one out there who feels this way.

This week was full of photoshoots for several campaigns I’m doing in the coming weeks, as well as some fun outfits I want to show you guys. Last week we went to the beach and a lot of pics were taken as well.

As I sit here, editing each photo I am overcome with a feeling I haven’t felt in a very long time.

It’s a feeling about my body, that isn’t a good feeling. It’s insecurity. It’s uncomfortable. 

Basically, I’m like who took my body and what did you do with it?!

Learning to love my body through this journey of motherhood is hard. I struggled with my body image majorly while I was pregnant with E. And after I had her, I realized she had changed my body forever. It took me a while, but I finally got on board with it and embraced my body the way it was, truly appreciating it from the inside out. 

But now, here we are again, and this baby girl has already done what feels like quite a number on my current mombod. I am the first to say: don’t talk bad about yourself. Quit hatin' on yourself. Love yourself.

Yada yada yada.

But REAL TALK. This week has been hard. My hips are wider, boobs have basically exploded, and a lot of the maternity clothes I saved from E’s pregnancy barely fit.

Y’all. I’m not even halfway through the pregnancy yet.

I’m writing all of this because I want you to know that you’re not alone.

Whether or not you’re pregnant, I feel your struggle. I feel your pain. And I know how hard this journey is.

Today, right now in this moment, I literally feel like crying. I know I’m hormonal, and that only adds to it, but this is hard.

As a full time blogger, part of my job and the part I love most is being creative. I get to create content for brands that I love and share it with you all. But to be honest, its taking all that I have to look at my most recent photos and love what I see. It has nothing to do with my photographer, the creative direction, or the clothes. It just feels like I’m looking at a different person.

I know that these feelings will pass. Maybe even by tomorrow (#hormones 😏) but I wanted to share these REAL feelings with you while they’re happening.

I want you to know that even I, the girl who started a blog because she wants all women to love themselves the way they are... still has major body image issues.

It’s not that I care what other people think when they see me. 

It’s more so just kind of a sad feeling. My body is changing SO much, I have no control over it, and I’ve already gained so much weight. My varicose veins have come back with a vengeance and have taken over my legs. My thighs feel like they’ve doubled in size.

I know a lot of people out there do this, and it might sound silly to you, but I also want you guys to know that I don’t edit my photos in any way to distort how I really look. That is not an option to me.

If I hate the way my baby bump looks, it's my choice to to deal with it, embrace it, and show the world. Or to not. 

And yes, as a plus size and pregnant woman, getting a “cute baby bump” is a sensitive subject.

Just felt like opening up a little bit with you guys and I hope that by doing this, I can encourage you.

Here’s what I’m trying to do to get over this little pregnancy bod anxiety hump:

1. Push through the negative thoughts I’m having.

2. Distract myself and move on.

3. Embrace these parts of my body that have changed so drastically, rather than hate them. 

4. Remember that these feelings about my body don't dictate who I am on the inside. I am better than this, prouder than this, stronger than this anxiety. 

Oh, and for the record, I will continue to post my campaigns and photos with pride. I just wanted you to know the other side of it and that I am not immune to insecurity. 

Have you ever felt this way? I'd love to hear your stories below, and hopefully you can encourage someone else going through the same thing! 

Edited to add: After writing this out, I'm already feeling better. Writing and sharing is a true form of therapy, ya'll. Don't underestimate it.