Dear Diary: I stayed off Instagram for 10 days… and here’s what happened.
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I love social media. I love connecting with everyone in our community, new and old. It’s also a huge part of being able to maintain our small business. This is why it’s so incredibly hard to force myself to take breaks.
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But this year in particular, I’ve been feeling a tug. A pull for a break. A strong intense desire for real life connection.
So for spring break this year, I deleted the app for a week and really tried to reconnect with my husband and daughters. I have felt so continuously disconnected from them for months, and I was hoping this would help.
It’s not as simple as “just put your phone down” when it’s your literal job, the bread and butter of what is providing you and several employees full time income. I took a major financial hit by making this choice, for sure. But in the long run, I knew I needed to take these steps to prevent burnout and keep with my 2023 goal of sustainability.
Here’s what happened:
Most shockingly, I read an entire book in a day and a half. Then moved on to another that I just finished yesterday… making that 2 books I completed in 2 weeks. I need you to know that this is HUGE for me. I have a stack of books I’ve ordered through the years, trying to get myself motivated to read. I have diagnosed severe ADHD, though, and with everything else going on, and even in the quiet times, I find it extremely hard to concentrate. Often, I’ll make it through a chapter and have no clue what I just read.
The last time I tried to read was last year on our vacation, but I just couldn’t focus. I wasn’t in the right headspace. I was too worried about everything going on in my life and business. This year, though, I’m experiencing a sense of peace I haven’t felt in an extremely long time. I felt like I was ready to take on the challenge again. Truth be told, I have always loved reading. I am a storyteller at heart, and I love to write. Creative writing and English classes were always my favorite. I wrote scripts in college for short films and even won awards for them. It’s why I loved costume design and styling (my previous career), because I could dive headfirst into a character’s narrative and imagine what they’d be wearing for each scene.
So, I’m sure you’re thinking… how’d you do it? The answer is actually quite simple, but it took me a while to realize it.
I replaced my phone with my book.
I was so hyper aware of myself and my actions during Spring Break, that I realized I actually do have a lot of random moments of downtime. Usually, in those moments, I take to my phone to make sure I haven’t missed anything. I usually open all of my social media apps, engage, respond to comments and DM’s, and then 9 times out of 10… I get stuck in a scroll. But during this time, scrolling social media wasn’t an option so I’d reach for my book. I stopped worrying if I only got to make it through a page before a kid needed me, and I just went for it.
And it worked.
I got so deep into the storylines of what I was reading, I found myself excited to dive back in wherever I could fit it in. So much so, that I ended up downloading Audible so I could keep up with the book whenever I was doing mundane tasks like cleaning, laundry, and driving. 10/10 highly recommend. Call it an ADHD hack or whatever you will, but I’ve been enjoying the “more boring” moments of life so much more with the ability to listen to the story through my Airpods!
I worked through and processed a lot of big feelings I’d been suppressing for months. I have this incredible knack for knowing how to distract myself from feeling my feelings, and work is one of those. Without the “I have deadlines” or “I have to focus on this, it’s my job” narratives rolling through my mind constantly, I found myself having serious conversations that needed to be had. Mostly with myself, but also there were moments with friends, family, the kids, my husband.
I reconnected with my husband and kids. When I say I have felt disconnected for awhile, trust me when I say… it hasn’t been obvious. Life moves so incredibly fast, and when you’re swamped with work and with the kids’ schedules and routines, and it is so easy to be only focused on that and none of the actual moments that matter. For me, that looked like a strange rise of fear in my chest when we’d all be in the room together and I didn’t know what to talk about. I’d even felt panicky on the first day of our drive, because I felt disconnected, not knowing where to start, simultaneously harboring feelings of embarrassment that I let it get this bad. Deep down, I know it’s not my fault. I know it is one of many symptoms of ADHD… the hyperfocus. Typically I hyperfocus on work and crisis management in the moment, which means when things are calm I kind of don’t know what to do with myself. So then, sometimes I create more work for myself because I simply can’t handle the feeling of being bored.
With no true concern of any deadlines ahead, I was able to re-examine work related things and ideas and come back to it all with a fresh mind. New energy, new motivation. As a creative, this is so important. Burnout is inevitable. So working that into my cyclical world of scheduling, I am going to try and build in more breaks. Which I think will benefit both sides of the table.
I started writing more. I first fell in love with writing when I was elementary aged and my grandmother gifted me stationary. She told me to write to her. So, I did. I soon realized how much I loved to share my deep inner thoughts and how great it felt to get those thoughts out onto a piece of paper. I wrote throughout my childhood, and into college, but after that… I really didn’t start writing again until I started this blog 6 years ago. And most of the time now, it’s fashion related. I LOVE talking about fashion, don’t get me wrong… but I’ve missed this side of me so much. It feels so good to be back.
Nothing technically groundbreaking, but for me it actually was.
For anyone who needs to hear this: It’s okay to love social media, and to also need a break from it. It will always be there, waiting for you when you come back.
Take care of yourselves, my friends. xo
