Dear Diary: Expectations
It’s Easter Sunday and things didn’t really go as planned, but I can’t really say I expected them to… which is progress.
I’ve spent what feels like my entire life struggling to balance my own expectations, which seem to seriously affect me when they’re not met.
I realized this about myself when I started dating my now husband. I remember navigating this with him in the beginning of our relationship. He’s the one who pointed out to me that a lot of my disappointment and struggles were simply coming from unbalanced expectations. Mind. Blown.
This morning he apologized to me when he thought I may be upset. because like I said… things haven’t gone as planned.
When the condo became available for a few extra days, I thought it would be a great opportunity to spend some quality time together just the 4 of us because we’ve had so many friends and family here at the beach with us this time. I planned it all out in my head: On Easter Sunday, we’d get up and drink our coffee from the beach, listening to the waves of the ocean and enjoying nature and all our creator has blessed us with.
What we actually woke up to was cold, windy weather and very emotional kids. To be honest, though, I’m okay with it. It’s just not what I had expected. And as I said earlier, that’s growth.
This is the first time we’ve not celebrated Easter with family (not counting 2020). I really felt called to step away from every pressure and focus on connecting with my little family as much as possible on this trip. And you know what? We’ve done just that, now that I think about it… It’s been a blessing itself.
I’m currently snuggled up in the recliner as I write this, listening to the sounds of my daughters playing with the toys they got in their Easter baskets while they watch Zombies 2. Wes is catching up on the Masters, and most of us are still in our pajamas. We’re taking it slow today, and when I really think about it… that’s all I wanted for Easter this. year.
We’ve not really had a chance to do this without the pressure to be always working on something at home. There’s always something that needs to be done at home, lingering in the back of our minds… being here, away from ti all, makes it so much easier to connect.
It would be a lie to say that I am not emotional about not being with our bigger family today. But I am so thankful we are having this kind of Easter holiday today. It’s not what we need every year, but it’s what we needed this year.
And I’m proud of myself for following my gut and heart on this.
In a bit, we will pile on our layers and head outside to do an egg hunt and enjoy the beauty of the beach before we head out this evening. Until then… I am soaking up every moment. Where ever you are, whatever your belief system is, and whomever you’re with… I hope you’re able to do the same. Happy Easter!
xo
